MY SACRED REMEMBERING:

The journey from hate to heart with Crystal’lee Starsanski Beinala founder and sole operator of Starsanski Beinala Mind, Body & Soul.

Firstly, welcome and thank you for choosing to come scroll on a journey with me to learn more. Just like you, my journey had to start somewhere.

I began my healing journey in my late teenage years through escaping domestic violence and abuse, at age 17. The experience landed me and my 18 month old daughter in a  women’s shelter, where I was then able to find a 2 bedroom unit to live in. The following 2 years were spent in isolation, anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress and uncertainty.

In my early 20s I began the traditional approach to healing and began visiting psychologists, youth workers, sex therapists, counsellors, financial counsellors and domestic abuse outreach support.

Through this time, I learned some basic resources into making ends meet. I remember life being hard; and all I was able to do was survive.

I had a few more toxic relationships, many toxic friendships, I moved over 30x and for a short time was homeless.

In 2011, following in the aftermath of my Mothers passing. I recall fear gripped me so tight and my own morality slapped me in the face. Hard. I had survived my own almost deaths, so when I was faced with someone close to me actually dying…

I acted out impulsively and in 2012, married a man I did not love to provide “protection” for my then almost 5 year old daughter. I was so unnerved by my own fear, that I even changed her last name legally to his as well.

The marriage was not healthy. I recall feeling very stuck within it, I didn’t know I could leave. I firmly believed in my values that “Marriage was a once in a lifetime thing” and so low wasa my worth that I did not believe anyone else would want me, or genuinely love me.

Using some of the money from my small inheritance we purchased a house in the country. The house was lovely, but my depression and health was getting worse.

In a last ditch attempt to make something of myself and have “happy family” done “Right” (by society, and my own high standards) I had another child, a boy.

In 2015, AFTER I hit my lowest point, I recall feeling so powerless; I experienced daily overwhelm, confusion and mental health episodes.

• My health was cactus.

• I was always exhausted.

• I had minimal self regulation or coping abilities.

• I felt totally trapped in my toxic marriage.

• I hated my body and came to hate being touched by anyone.

• The relationship with my daughter was suffering.

• I was too stressed to even be able to breastfeed beyond 6 weeks.

• I didn’t know my own values or how to say “No”.

• Authentic expression? None.

• Safe emotional release? Didn’t even know it was possible.

• Trust in myself? Definitely not.

• Trust in others? Definitely not.

• And boy was I angry, always sooo angry; and I didn’t understand why.

I did not believe life could get better. I wanted to give up…

BUT I DID NOT GIVE UP.

I was so desperate I prayed to the universe for help.

THEN IN 2015, I BECAME ONE OF THE SUCCESSFUL APPLICANTS TO A WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT PROGRAM THAT I WAS PUT FORWARD FOR BY MY JOB PROVIDER.

During this 6 week program I learned my values, learned that I had choices, learned that life could be another way AND MET SOME TRULY INSPIRING WOMEN. The founder of this program I am still keep in contact with until this day.

I then went on to apply to uni, and got accepted into a double Bachelor of Social Science and Psychological Science!

Me, a girl who only completed to year 10 in highschool and was told I would never amount to anything because by choosing to keep a child at 16 my life was ruined! (Are you a mother that has been told that? They are wrong. Keep reading!)

I started volunteering as an outreach support to elders who were isolated.

I kept studying full time. Raising my little ones along the way. learned in my second year of formal education that my heart did not belong to the Sciences of the world. I then began exploring reiki, crystals, and woowoo magic.

From there it has been rapid evolution.

My journey of inner healing and overall well-being I released and integrated lifetimes of trauma, pain and discomfort.

Today: I am deeply and irrevocably in love with myself; I love life, love physical connections as well as emotional, spiritual and mental connections.

I learned how to safely and healthily release my emotions from deep in my being.

I did a complete overhaul of my life and found home within myself filled with peace, balance, love and soulful connection.

My perception of life has completely shifted and I feel powerful in the wake of previously living life feeling powerless.

CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!

It was not always easy but it has been rewarding.

I learned along the way that it was MY responsibility to heal. I may not have created all of the experiences I had, but I could take ownership of my part played. I could recognise what wasn’t in alignment within my environment. Let go of people, places and beliefs that did not support the wellness I was creating.

It felt empowering to choose that for myself.

I spent many years rejecting myself, rejecting my actions, rejecting my choices and ultimately playing out a toxic drama triangle with myself.

Until I realised that hate wouldn’t heal my heart. Wouldn’t bring me into devoted trust. Wouldn’t create a life of sacredness and joy.

So…

I learned to come into sacred union with God,the Goddess and with myself.

TRUE, LASTING, INTEGRATED CHANGE ONLY HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY YES TO YOURSELF AND TAKE ACTION IN YOUR LIFE.

In 2018 I received a full body healing that unlocked my memory to my souls name (Starsanski Beinala) and my mission here (to be the North Star in the sky, a beacon to guide Women from their place of darkness into their light through love and connection).

Further down this page you will see the list of training I have completed.

My business has evolved with me over the years to what it is today.

Whatever your soul is calling you to be is a worthy undertaking.

Do it for you because you are worthy of the life you want.